My apologies

So...this is me just saying i'm sorry for the "too much information" blogs. I promise in the future I won't post them. I'm starting my own private blog journal, so I don't look back and feel stupid for writing such things. :) I'm sorry for the open-ness. haha

Holding on...and thinking out loud.

So, i haven't had home teachers come for months! And finally I got new ones and they came today! :) Their lesson was just on like the worth of souls and how no matter what, everyone is important. I have been struggling for a while just with weaknesses i have, and sometimes I feel like I mean nothing, and i have no one...even though, deep down I know the Lord is always on my side, and yes I know I have my family and tons of friends, but sometimes i feel like I can't talk to anyone about things I'm going through--i don't know- i just can't...Its weird. So then I have an even harder time trying to deal with them all by myself. School is so hard. So, i feel so inadequate being there sometimes, like i shouldn't be there because what am I accomplishing when I keep failing math. :P but I know I need to be there...one of these days I will glad I stayed.

I 've been having a hard time lately knowing that about 3 or 4 of my best friends are getting married within a year. I'm trying to play it off as if it doesn't bother me, but it makes me sad. Yes of course i am ecstatic for them but as if I don't feel lonely enough sometimes already, lets throw the fact that all my friends are gettin married too. (I don't even have a boyfriend)...I've been dating but nothing ever really works out. although, I have been making a lot of new friends by dating them and also just new people i have met have become my new best friends! I love my work for everyone i work with!!! :D everyone is awesome! My job is getting old, but I like the atmosphere and just being there to work with awesome people. :)

Anyway, aside from tangents I just wanted to say that my home teachers reminded me that no one is perfect, and we all struggle sometimes with things. And whether you know it or not, in some way your presence matters to someone else. You are worth something! (i need to keep reminding myself of that as I continue to fail, that I am worth something and I do matter) the Lord is always with us. Pray to Him and cry to Him and he will bless thee. :) When you're truly emersed in the gospel, it really does make you rember the importance of so much! I know that as I strive to cling to the rod, I will always be blessed with His love. Well, haha I don't really write in my journal anymore, so this is it. If you read it, good for you. haha This is truly speaking from my heart. It makes me feel loads better to write it down. :)

"On Your Own"

Is it just me...or do sometimes you find things that come into your life, and you think? "Really? Must that have happened?" I don't do it very often, cause I believe everything happens for a reason...and i always think positively, but in the past week, a couple thing have happened, and here I am thinking, somehow I feel like I always end up back on my own...this song goes along with how i'm feelin...and its song #123 on my playlist of you care to listen to it!

"On your own" by Green River Oridinance

Watchin the time go the second hand is movin to fast
Who ever thought that it ever really ever would last
And if your conscience weighs a little heavy tonight
Maybe you'll find it maybe you'll find

Nobody told you that nothin plays out like it seems
Twenty years now runnin scared of all of your dreams
Is it everything you thought it would be

When you come back I'll be alright
On your own again
Back to where it all began
The phone don't ring
And the tears they fall
but you carry on and on and on
On your own again
Back to where it all began
The phone don't ring
And the tears they fall
But you carry on and on and on

Past is past you never really gave it a shot
To survive with your one last shot in the dark
And if your conscience weighs a little heavy tonight
Maybe you'll find that

Empty boxes on the stairs
Remind you that there's no one there
Is it everything you thought it would be
You'll see

When you come back I'll be alright
On your own again
Back to where it all began
The phone don't ring
And the tears they fall
but you carry on and on and on
On your own again
Back to where it all began
The phone don't ring
And the tears they fall
But you carry on and on and on

You gotta go you'll never know
Just how it all will turn out
Forget whats gone
The western turn leads no doubt

On your own again
Back to where it all began
The phone don't ring
And the tears they fall
But you carry on and on and on

On and on and on

On your own again
Back to where it all began
The phone don't ring
And the tears they fall
but you carry on and on and on
On your own again
Back to where it all began
The phone don't ring
And the tears they fall
But you carry on and on and on

(You carry on and on and on and on)
You gotta go
(You carry on and on and on and on)
You gotta go
(You carry on and on and on and on)
You gotta go
You gotta go
You gotta go

The 4Th of JULY!

The Fourth of July has always been one of my FAVORITE holidays! Love it! Every year we go to Colleen's house, eat dinner, watch the jets go by, listen for the stadium of fire to start, walk down there (since she lives so close) and try and see if we can see the performers while they're on stage. This year it was SheDaisy and The Jonas Brothers! As all of you should know, I'm a total kid, and yes, I watch the disney channel at night when nothing else is on...but I LOVE IT! The Joe Bro's aren't as good as Miley Cyrus, who we saw last year, but I'm still excited I got to see them!! (the video I have is of them singing...you can't see them or really hear them, but it was them! haha)